July eighth, 1979...
...all the fathers of Nobel Prize winners were rounded up...
...by United Nations military units...
...and actually forced at gunpoint...
... to give semen samples in little plastic jars...
... which are now stored at Rockefeller Center underneath the ice skating rink.
I wouldn 't want to be there for the thaw.
I mean, it's disgusting!
You know what they put in the water?
Fluoride! Yeah, fluoride.
On the pretext that it strengthens your teeth!
That's ridiculous! You know what this stuff does to you?
It actually weakens your will...
... takes away the capacity for free and creative thought...
...and makes you a slave to the state.
Ever wonder about these right-wing militia groups and survivalist types?
They say they're defending the country from U.N. troops.
They're yelling so loud, my theory is that this is a conspiracy:
They are the U.N. troops. They're in place!
The infrastructure's ready. It's a fait accompli.
They'll just take over, we'll all be toast.
Oswald. That's what I said, Oswald.
He said, "l'm just a patsy," which means he didn't do it, right?
Armand Hammer goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Armand...
. . .you've only got 3 minutes to live. " And he says, "That's terrible news.
Isn't there anything you can do for me, Doc? 3 minutes"?
And the doctor says, "Well, I can boil you an egg. "
I guess not.
Ever see those advertisements, "Got Milk"?
Open up!
Open it up!
What's going on?
Son of a bitch!
"Eat beef"?
That's like saying, "Smoke cigarettes" or "Drive cars. " It's really generic.
This guy looks at me and says, "You think you're living in a free country"?
"You think it's a democracy? Of course not. "
Web sites, newsletters, self-published manifestoes....
They think we're kooks.
George Bush knew what he was saying when he said, "New World Order. "
You remember those three little words?
He was a 33rd degree Mason, and as ex-director of the CIA. . .
. . .he knew that saying that would send conspiratologists everywhere. . .
. . .spinning, spinning their wheels.
Then they destroy their own credibility.
Sister, I'm sure your heart's in the right place, but. . .
. . .somebody's got to lift the festering scab that is the Vatican.
A chip for identification so they can track down an animal anywhere he's at.
You'll insert it under the dog's skin and it's an identification thing.
I mean, it's only a small logical step. . .
. . .till they start putting it in us and our children.
Then before we know it, they'll come with the pretext....
Is that one of the new $1 00s with the changed picture of Ben Franklin?
Look at him.
He looks like the love child of Fred Mertz and Rosie O'Donnell.
That's him. Get rid of it, lady.
See the metal strip in it? That's a tracking device.
If you got any more of those at home, get rid of them.
They'll follow you. They know where every one of those $ 100s is going.
Black helicopters. You heard about black helicopters?
They're everywhere.
They're on whisper mode. You can 't hear them till they've gone.
You know?
There's nobody there.
Where'd they go? Oh, there was nobody in here!
What am I talking-- Why is the meter on?
-Where to, pal? -Luxembourg Towers, on 7th.
The sound of love.
Excuse me?
That, what you just did.
That's love.
Love's just a way to say, "l want to sleep with you. "
Admit it. I saw you kiss her.
You love her. This is the street where love lives.
Love is bullshit.
Love gives you wings.
It makes you fly.
I don't even call it love.
I call it "Geronimo. "
Geronimo?
Geronimo. When you're in love, you'll. . .
. . .jump right from the top of the Empire State and you won't care.
Screaming "Geronimo" the whole way down. It's great.
But then you'll die. You'll squash yourself. So what's the point?
I'm telling you, love gives you wings.
She must be some girl.
I love her so bad, I just. . . .
She wrecks me.
I'd die for her.
She feel the same about you?
I don't know.
I never told her.
Why the hell not?
I have some problems.
-You dumb creep! -Oh, my God!
Stop the cab!
I'm sorry.
Shut up! Wacko!
Forget the fare.
Love Street.
Sure, it's possible that Lee Harvey Oswald didn 't kill Kennedy.
And frankly, it's possible Jack Ruby...
...didn 't kill Oswald. In those films, you see this other guy hanging around.
Are you saying that Oswald is still alive?
I'm not saying that. Somebody who looked like Lee Harvey Oswald.
She's singing.
Can 't take my eyes off of you
Bingo!
I love you, baby
And if it's quite all right I need you, baby
You're just too good to be true
Can 't take my eyes...
...off of you
You'd be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
Why do you do that?
Why do you push yourself?
What are you doing?
Go ahead, brother, play on.
What's up?
Look at him.
Can you swim, man?
The water main broke all the way up on 40th Street and 7th Avenue.
They say the subway's a damn river.
Strange.
What's up, Jerry? What are you thinking?
Water mains don't usually break unless it's wintertime.
The pipes burst open because it's cold.
It's only the first of October.
Reminds me of life in the delta.
Yeah, Mississippi, all right.
Mekong, my friend. Mekong.
Flip, did I ever tell you that the whole Vietnam War. . .
. . .was fought over a bet. . .
. . .that Howard Hughes lost to Aristotle Onassis?
And they used my legs for a wishbone. Nearly snapped my butt in half.
-Yeah, they owe you. -No, you owe me!
I'll get you tomorrow.
-Peace. -You too! Take it easy, Flip.
73, 74. . .
. . .75, 76. . . .
Not bad. 1 :31 .
I can do that a couple more times.
More if I have to. Don't think I will.
Someone's got a roof garden. Ripe for the picking.
That's it. Health food.
That's disgusting! What is that? You really don't need it.
I didn't leave this open.
Somebody's been up here. Oh, I'm not the only one with a key.
Right where I left you.
Return to sender.
Disgusting!
Jerry. . .keys.
How come this is safe for me, but not the keys.
Smart girl.
-How's that, Jer? -Justice.
She wears a blindfold.
-You have an appointment? -Naturally.
-Can you show us a slip? -I'm not wearing one.
Good morning, Claudia.
This is what you wanted. Your coffee's on your desk.
People, give me this room.
Not you, Miss Sutton. You stay.
This is a request from you for 1 8 wiretaps. . .
. . .on the Ezekiel Walters case, a case we are no longer investigating.
I'm doing it in my spare time.
This is the Justice Department, not Alice Sutton, P.I.
Walters got life on the bank bombing. Until we get new evidence. . .
. . .this case is closed.
Do you know what it's like to think you know what happened. . .
. . .but to never be sure?
I've been here 20 years, Alice. I know what it's like.
Until you've investigated your own father's murder, you have no idea.
Alice Sutton knows me.
You're making it hard on yourself.
Ms. Sutton 's psychotic's here again.
I want him out of here right now.
I have a right! I am an American citizen!
I demand to see Alice Sutton!
This guy's a restraining order waiting to happen.
Can I see Alice Sutton?
No, he can't. He needs an appointment.
I have a right to be here. She'll tell you that.
Get him out.
I haven't done anything wrong!
Officers, I'll take him from here.
I'm Alice Sutton. Sorry.
Hi, Alice.
You need to make appointments.
Can I make one now? ln a few minutes? I can wait if you're busy.
Come around.
I don't see the connection.
Come on! Six major earthquakes in 3 1 /2 years and the space shuttle. . .
. . .in orbit for every one. Don't you think it's strange?
Testing some top secret seismic weapon?
Not testing. Using. Nukes are pass�. We're talking. . .
. . .the weapon of the future.
What's it got to do with the President?
The President's in Europe at the moment. Tomorrow he'll be. . .
. . .in Turkey, right here along this fault line.
And they sent up a space shuttle yesterday.
Motive?
How about $50 billion? How's that for a motive?
Here, let me get that.
The President's cutting funding to NASA, the milk cow of the aerospace industry.
So you're saying that NASA's going to kill the President with an earthquake?
-Do you still ride? -Not for years.
Why do you keep the picture of you? Kind of wish you hadn't quit?
The earthquake.
Not exactly the kind of thing. . .
. . .a Secret Service agent can just throw himself on top of, is it?
Mr. Wilson needs you.
Thank you.
She always burst in like that?
Yes, that's her job. I have to go. My boss is looking to yell at me.
You want me to talk to him, smooth things out for you?
No, I want you to go home or wherever it is that you go.
And make appointments. You can't just keep bursting in.
It's just what they'd be expecting.
I have a serious job here. I have a boss I must answer to.
Do you understand that?
I'm sorry. You're right.
Use your common sense.
Deal. So are you going to warn him?
Who?
The President.
I won't promise you anything.
You think I'm crazy. She thinks I'm crazy.
No, Jerry, I think you're different.
You know, to be normal in the real world. . .
. . .and to drink Coca-Cola and eat. . .
. . .Kentucky Fried Chicken. . .
. . .you got to be in a conspiracy against yourself.
Want to go out sometime?
So, what's your horse's name?
Johnny Dancer.
You've been here a dozen times, you never asked that before.
I was waiting till I got to know you better.
I'd say eight, actually. . .
. . .times.
Times I've been here. Eight.
Hey, pal!
Don't these water mains usually go in the wintertime?
All I know is it's beaucoup overtime.
Feds.
No, not Feds.
These guys got a purpose.
It's government plates.
There's something fishy going on.
Bet my balls.
Here they come. Camera!
Sir, he's in the building now.
Spooks! I knew it!
Yes, sir.
Surprise counts for something. You're good.
You've been watching me a while?
I'm told I have eyes in the back of my head. . .
. . .but I didn't even see you guys coming.
You must be spooks? Spooks?
CIA spooks, right?
Say something.
I was right.
Right about what?
No, I wasn't right. I was wrong.
You guys are from NASA! That's right! You're from NASA! Come on!
No, not the eyes!
What?
We've been looking for you a long time.
Do I know you?
Very well.
Have you ever. . .
. . .been in a place from which hope is gone?
Where all that's left. . .
. . .is patience?
Now, Jerry. . .
. . .to whom have you been talking?
I talk to lots of people. I drive a cab, you know?
-I meet people all day. -Who else knows what we know?
What?
What we know, Jerry.
What?
Tell me what?!
What do we know?
If I know what we know, I could tell you what we know and if someone else knows!
You got to be more specific.
What is that?
Gravy for the brain.
Not gravy!
Please!
Not gravy. No, not gravy!
Don't do this to me, please!
Now, Jerry. . .
. . .to whom have you been talking?
No, I've had gravy!
I know you.
You know now, Jerry. Now you know.
-I don't know! Help me! -Who else knows, Jerry?
Who else knows?
-Who knows? -Help me!
What do you know? Who have you been talking to?
Help! Help!
I know I must share some of the blame for this.
I wish it didn't have to be this way.
To whom have you been talking?
Who else knows?
I believe.
I believe!
-Who else knows? -I don't know.
Jerry, names!
I don't want to dance!
To whom have you been talking?
Now he knows!
He's flying!
You wouldn't do this if you knew!
Alice!
I want to see Alice Sutton! There she is.
There she is. Alice!
Alice, this is it! They tried to. . . .
I don't know what they tried, but I know. . . .
I don't know what I know, but I know that it's big.
Will you let me talk?
Cut it out, will you? Get back!
Get back. Please, just give me that gun.
And roll it over here.
Will you get back?
I need to talk to you.
You want to talk to me? Here I am.
Get back!
I have to tell you something.
Why don't you just take it easy?
Take it real easy with that, okay? Just take it easy.
You have blood on your shirt.
I bit his nose off!
You bit somebody's nose off?
Don't get in this thing where you make me repeat myself. I hate that.
I'm sorry.
Get back, you dumb complicit sons of bitches!
You're looking for a man with no nose, not me!
I need to tell you there was a. . .
. . .Iike a fish tank. No goldfish!
-And I was in the belly of a whale. -Just calm down.
Wheelchair! I was crippled and. . . .
Look at me. I want you to put the gun down, please.
There was a goldfish. There wasn't any gravy and l. . . .
I don't know what to. . . .
Put the gun down.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I'm sorry.
Okay? Perfect.
Take it easy! Take it easy!
My God, you're bleeding! Call an ambulance!
A piece of a wheelchair poked through me.
Back away! Back away!
Put it away!
-Oh, Christ! -Tell me what happened.
I can't.
I can't remember.
I can't remember them. I can't remember me.
I can remember you.
I remember you.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
I'll remember in the morning.
I'm just tired.
I just need some sleep.
Open.
Open, please.
She's for you.
No, nurse. Don't!
What is it? What is it? I told them. . . .
Something to help you sleep.
I don't want to sleep, I want to check out.
Why am I handcuffed to this bed? I'm not a criminal. Please, help!
Alice, you get me out of here. They gave me some stuff.
You're under arrest.
What's the charge?
Jerry, you were there. Figure it out.
Try to remember who stabbed you with the wheelchair or where it happened.
I wish I could explain it so it all made sense.
It's all right. Just relax.
You got to switch the charts. Switch my charts with that guy's charts.
Don't make me repeat myself. Switch my chart or I'll be dead by morning.
Relax. Go to sleep. I will see you tomorrow.
-You want to bet? -You're just being paranoid.
Only because they want me dead.
Please, Alice. Please, save my life.
Switch them.
Switch the charts.
Could you open this, please, ma'am?
What happened?
Guy came in with a stab wound and died of a heart attack.
You Miss Sutton?
They want me to bring you downstairs.
Who does?
The FBl, the CIA. You name the initials, they're down there.
Any special reason?
They said to bring you and the body to the basement.
And the body's on its way, so come with me.
I just need one minute, please.
Thank you.
For what?
For switching the charts.
I didn't switch the charts.
It's okay. The guy traded bullets with an old man in a liquor store.
He had it coming.
You expect me to believe that someone came in here last night. . .
. . .and gave him something to stop his heart?
You switched the charts, you tell me.
I've got to go downstairs. The CIA wants to see your body.
I won't be here when you get back. I'll keep in touch.
You're handcuffed to the bed.
I'll have to chew through my arm. It's better than hospital food.
Thank you.
You saved my life. Thank you.
Heart attacks happen.
I didn't switch the charts.
Yeah, you did.
You switched them. You switched the charts.
Let's see here. This is a grueling experience.
Put that out!
There's a government man now. This is Miss Sutton.
Miss Sutton, Agent Lowry, FBl.
We're waiting for jurisdictional problems to be cleared.
-Fletcher's something else. -Tell me about it!
Police want him for assault. Secret Service for counterfeiting.
We want him for a string of bank robberies.
No one knows what the CIA wants him for.
This CIA shrink. . .
. . .is here to l.D. Fletcher. They knew each other somehow.
Take off the sheet.
-This isn't him. -The chart says "Jerry Fletcher. "
-He's. . . . -He's what?
He's having a heart attack!
Where's that goddamn cop?
Get a crash cart in here, stat!
-A dog bit it. -Excuse me?
You were going to ask about my nose. Poor animal is to be destroyed today.
-And you feel bad for it? -It's my dog.
Oh, no! I'm sorry.
Nurse!
There he goes!
-Open the goddamn gate! -No, and you watch your language!
FBl, lady! Open the damn door!
Hi, Alice.
You never saw me.
Shut up!
There he goes!
Lady, open the damn door!
Open the gate! Will you open it?!
You! Get hospital security.
-Block all exits. -Yes sir. Let's go!
Is this guy a psychiatrist or a field agent?
You want to put your foot down and get out of there?
Come on, buddy.
If you only knew what really happened to Serpico. . .
. . .you'd be helping me out right now.
Get out of there!
Come on, now!
Give me a break. I'm wounded.
Hands behind your back!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
He said a dog bit his nose.
You got to help me out of this, Alice, please.
I can't make any promises.
I'm in a tight spot here.
You look really pretty today.
Your eyes look kind of different.
Please, Alice, make an exception.
Please. Alice, are you there?
Come back. Please, don't leave me here.
Thank you.
There we go.
Have you seen him?
-No. Did you see him? -No way to shut this place down quick.
You have a half-naked man chained to a bed rail. Just block the exits.
Good idea.
Will you keep me company, please?
-David? -Carl.
I'm sorry, Carl. Dr. Fine. I want your advice about something.
I had a middle-aged guy, operate on his gallstones--
-Do I know you? -Of course. Dr. Fine, proctology.
So Jerry thinks that NASA is plotting to kill the President?
You already asked me that.
And you have no idea where Jerry lives?
You've asked me that 3 times. Why keep making me repeat myself?
All right, here's a fresh one.
Why you?
Your colleague, Mr. Wilson, tells me Jerry won't talk to anyone but you.
That seems. . .
. . .oddly possessive behavior to me.
I'm sorry, what was the question?
Why do you insist on having me repeat myself?
Why. . .
. . .you?
I think he has a crush on me.
How charming.
He has great taste.
Now, why him?
Why do you tolerate his visits to your office?
About 6 months ago, I was leaving work and 2 guys tried to mug me.
Jerry came out of nowhere and rescued me. That's how I met him.
He probably is crazy, but there's something about Jerry that. . . .
I don't know.
I don't have the heart to tell him to get lost.
I didn't know the CIA had psychiatrists.
We're very specialized.
May l?
Veritas.
Truth.
What is it they say about truth?
The truth will set you free.
"Catcher in the Rye. "
Chapman had that book when he shot John Lennon.
I was just thinking that.
Remember the guy that shot Reagan? John Hinckley?
They found a copy of that book in his apartment.
Weird coincidence.
Thanks for your input, officer.
Gum. . .
. . .keys. . .
. . .and a book.
Car.
Maybe apartment.
This one's odd.
What do you think? It's got paint on it.
Safety deposit box key.
I'll take that.
And that.
You're welcome.
Spooks!
What do you say we. . .
. . .I don't know, compare notes on this guy?
"Geronimo"?
No, don't!
Let me have the ticket.
No, I'm here, I'm here!
-There's a "no parking" sign there. -I see it.
-Two cops to give a ticket now? -These days it takes 2 cops.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you.
Tickets have been coming all day. Didn't know what to do.
-How'd you know this was my car? -I didn't. It was a lucky guess.
I feel kind of naked. Could we get out of here?
-Don't tell me you're naked. -It's a figure of speech. Can we go?
Please. Hurry.
People are looking everywhere.
What took you so long? I was here all day.
It takes time to search a hospital. A lot of people are after you.
They'll put me in the same place as Oswald. Another lunatic acting alone.
Oswald killed the President. Is that what you're planning?
No. Did you call him about the earthquake?
I'll do that.
-Can you sit up so I can see you? -No. I don't want them to see me.
Them who?
Them back there. Change lanes. Watch the rearview mirror.
It's a fun experiment.
Did you see it? Wraparound headlights?
Crown Victoria? FBl. It's a legitimate tail.
As opposed to?
As opposed to serious people.
Can you drive this thing, or do you just like looking good in it?
I suppose you think I should speed up and try to lose them.
It's what a man would do. I'm not a man.
I noticed.
What are you doing?
Agent Lowry.
It wasn't my idea.
Jonas?
It's his show for now.
You want to get dinner?
Interagency cooperation and all?
When I'm ready to compare notes, I'll tell you.
It's your call.
Good night.
See? Wasn't that easier than squealing tires and knocking over trash cans?
Nothing's easy.
You know that guy they arrested in--
How long have we known each other?
Six months and 1 1 days.
I'll give you one more hour.
Where to?
Why did we have to go down to go back up?
'Cause I don't like to come and go in the same way twice.
I just live in there. I have to get. . . .
-Here, you should have this. -What is it?
It's my union pin. I figured, the way you drove. . .
. . .you should be in the union.
I'd be proud to have you drive me around in a cab.
Come in, please.
Give me those. I'll put them up.
Let me shut the door. Sorry there's not more room in here.
My keys!
I'll just get the light.
The Jerry Garcia file.
I didn't. . . . Yes, I did!
You know why The Grateful Dead are always on tour?
Because they're all British agents, intelligence agents. They're spies.
Jerry Garcia himself has a double-0 rating, just like James Bond.
Jerry Garcia's dead.
That's what they want you to think.
Is this supposed to protect you from aliens or something?
No, it's just a beer bottle.
Follow me.
Come into my humble abode.
Here we go.
Welcome.
Want something to drink?
Coffee. . .
. . .if that's okay.
No, coffee's our friend.
Coffee's our friend. It's fine.
I keep the beans in the fridge. Keeps them fresher, makes better coffee.
Papa Leoni told me that.
He's dead now. Nice old guy.
"l love the delicate shadow. . .
. . .of she wanting me to be. "
I can't seem to remember this combination. Want some juice?
If my universe had a hub. . . .
This would be it?
Here.
"ln the lrons"?
Yeah, I've been reading up on it lately. Equitation.
Are these yours?
But I think this is what's been causing the problem.
This is the third issue this year. I give you "Conspiracy Theory. "
This is my newsletter.
I think it's got them scared.
I must have hit a nerve with one of those articles in there.
They're pissed off about something.
"The Space Shuttle's Seismic Secret"?
"The Oliver Stone-George Bush Connection"? Oliver Stone?
Sure. I mean, he's their spokesman.
You think if anyone had the information that he's got. . .
. . .and had a podium to shout it from, they'd actually let him do it?
No, it's quite clear that he's a disinformation junkie for him.
That he's still alive says it all. He should be dead.
Can you prove any of this?
No. Absolutely not. A good conspiracy is unprovable.
If you can prove it, they screwed up somewhere.
And if that's the case. . . .
They?
They!
They who?
"They who"? I don't know.
That's why they call them "they. " And "them. "
Where does Jonas fit in?
He's one of "they. " He's one of them. He's them. For sure.
They. Them.
They must have a secret handshake.
That's it?
No. How would I know? I'm not one of them.
I'm just horsing around.
How many subscribers?
Let's see.
Five.
But I think it's probably got something to do with the economy.
You think one of them is not who they seem?
You think it might be one of they?
That could be. Of course!
You have a list?
A subscriber's list?
Yes, right over here.
I thought you meant some other kind of. . . .
Big Holden Caulfield fan?
Not really.
You just like the story?
Not especially, no.
You've got a dozen copies of this book.
I know.
There's more of them in here.
Under the bed too.
I don't know why, but whenever I see one. . .
. . .I have to buy it.
And if I don't see one. . .
. . .then I have to find one. . .
. . .to buy. . .
. . .so I can feel normal.
I don't know why.
Did you ever read it?
Yeah, you read this in school.
No one ever gave it to me to read at school.
That's what they start when you're young.
When you're little, at school, they Baden-Powell all the boys and. . .
. . .they Betty Crocker all the girls.
Then they air condition you.
And they put you in an Easy Bake Oven and you can't breathe anymore.
You must think I'm crazy.
Yeah, right!
4, 23. . .
. . . 1 2.
That's the combination of the coffee. Do you still want some?
You idiot!
We're made. Gas them.
Go! Tear gas!
Don't breathe!
-Delta team, are you secure? -Delta team, secure.
Take it down!
Clear!
On top of the bed!
Move it! Come on!
-Are you coming? -I'm right behind you.
Close your eyes.
What are you doing?!
Torching my hub!